The Generous Wife
a daily reminder to grow your marriage
Invitation to Sex + a Contest
OK, it’s contest time.
I have 2 signed copies of Stripped Down: 13 Keys to Unlocking Intimacy in Your Marriage (aff link) by Tony & Alisa DiLorenzo of OneExtraordinaryMarriage. This is the book that my husband and I used for a marriage study. We gathered several couples, read a chapter or two a week and discussed how the material could apply to us. Several couples had some significant breakthroughs in communication and in working out difficult areas of their marriage. I think books like this are great for reading with your spouse because they make such a nice jumping off point for all kinds of discussions.
So the challenge: Leave a comment on this post with your ideas for “ways of inviting your husband to join you for sex.” Direct, indirect, funny, silly, serious, sexy, whatever. Your suggestions just need to be relatively doable and believable. (If you don’t see your post immediately, wait a bit because most posts will land in “pending” until I can get to them and approve them.)
Next Sunday (October 30th) I’ll ask my husband to give me two numbers (for example: 5 and 27) and the posters in those slots (5th and 27th posters) will win the books. I’ll announce the winners with Monday’s tip.
LINKS TO BLOG POSTS THAT STOOD OUT TO ME THIS LAST WEEK:
Julie and “J” discussed the subject of masturbation and have share on their blogs about their perspectives (there is some overlap, but definitely good food for thought).
Intimacy in Marriage: Two Wives. Talking About Masturbation. and More Masturbation Talk. From a Couple of Wives.
Hot, Holy and Humorous: Two Wives & Candid Conversation about Masturbation and More Candid Conversation about Masturbation
Adding Zest to Your Nest
Overcoming Childhood Sexual Abuse – An encouraging testimony for those who struggle with the after effects of abuse.
Becoming Minimalist
Tying Our Hearts to the Right Things – Invest money, time, and lives into things that are truly important.
I also recommend their e-book Simplify: 7 Guiding Principles to Help Anyone Declutter Their Home and Life (aff link)
The Confident Mom
Goals, Girlfriends, Guts and Glory – Congrats, Susan, on running and finishing the race!
Encourage Your Spouse
Warning Sirens – Funny post. Serious message.
Happily Married After
It Smells Like Poop! – Life is 10% what happens and 90% how you respond.
Intimacy in Marriage
3 Ways to Get in the Mood for Sex and
3 Reasons You are Easily Offended in Bed – I love posts like these. Look at a problem. Offer some practical solutions.
Journey to Surrender
Does Surrender Mean Losing Yourself? – Giving up yourself vs. giving truly of yourself.
Making Love in the Microwave
Why Coffee Mugs can be Better than Flowers or Candy – A gift challenge!
Marriage Life
Everything You Do Matters – Whatever you do, it all matters! To the glory of God! (do listen to the song by Steven Curtis Chapman)
One Flesh Marriage
Secrets, Private and One Flesh Marriage and
Complete Transparency – Lovely posts on the need for sharing in marriage.
The Romantic Vineyard
Is Your Marriage a Place of Trust? – Take the marriage trust test.
Just a Phone Call – Give your sweetie a BIG hug.
To Love, Honor and Vaccum
Just Say Yes! – “If you don’t have a good reason for not making love, jump him!”
Marriage VLog: Just Say Yes to Sex! – Win/win in the bedroom.
Be generous! Lori <><
137 responses to “Invitation to Sex + a Contest”
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We love giving each other ridiculous, funny, vague inuendos during the day… “So… what are you doing later?” My husband is in construction, and sometimes I’ll contact him as a potential client and ask him for a “bid” to do some work in our bedroom :o) It gets a smiling snicker every time.
Thanks for all the great ideas! I am diligently working on this area. I am not typically a shy person, but when it comes to initiating sex it is almost embarrassing for me! However, I have mustered up the courage to wear certain pajamas or even get in bed naked and wait for him to notice. Sometimes I just have to say something like, “the kids are both asleep, want to make the most of our time alone?”
With 3 kids always running around, we have had to get creative. We have “code words” such as “feeling frisky” that we sometimes use in conversation, which clues the other into one’s desires without the kids knowing. Sometimes I just walk up to him and plant a long seductive kiss on him, then ask him what he wants to do tonight after the kids are in bed…that one ALWAYS works! Recently, I’ve periodically started setting my alarm 15-20 minutes earlier in the morning, then rolling over to touch and snuggle. Then I don’t feel rushed to get out the door and he feels like he’s the priority of my day.
I am struggling with this since I am ignored if I initiate sex. I have tried to leave messages for him, but I am not sure. I am thinking we need more communication in this area.
I have a red nighty (quite tarty, never to be seen by anyone other than my husband!) which he loves so putting that on is a very open invitation & almost failsafe!
It is fun to find a bottle of massage oil and surprise your sweetie with giving back, etc. rubs!
I’m currently pregnant, so I just tell him I don’t feel like puking at the moment. Wink Wink! lol
I find the late night wake-up is almost always a welcome starter. Not really something you can plan, but if you wake up in the middle of the night some cuddles and petting can get things off to a good start.
Our code is one that started out as a joke. When we find a tootsie pop wrapper with the indian and the star on it we fold it so it shows and slip it to the other one. Obviously we are intimate more often but it’s a fun little extra thing. I did notice the other day that my DH had several of them tucked into his dresser!
My husband pretty much is always ready/willing, no matter whether we’ve fought, had a long stressful day, he’s sick (unless it’s vomiting/gross sick, that’s about the only time) etc, so it really doesn’t take much to get him going at all. I think one of my (probably his too) favorite things I’ve done tho, was once, I had this pair of matching sexy undies, one in blue, one in red – I hid one of them in his lunchbox with a note that said something to the effect of ‘where it’s sister’ was. I don’t think he’s ever come home and gotten cleaned up faster. :D Be careful with things like that tho, it has the potential to be embarrassing, esp for the more sensitive/shy types – adapt to what works for you guys.
One day my husband went golfing with a few friends. I asked him if [edit] because if not he can [edit]. ;) [I did a bit of editing on this comment because language is a very personal thing between couples and I was concerned that some readers might find this couple’s humor offensive. I left the tip because I want the commenter to have a chance at the prize and to remind folks that you need to know what it sexy and fun for you and your husband. Lori]
Ill just say to my husband, ” I’m feeling so healthy today, you? ” yea, your lookin’ healthy”. How about some fruits and veggies?;) we came up with this one night while we were getting our healthy dish of fruits and vegetables ready to bring over to a friends place. So anytime we talk about cutting up the fruit or veggies for a party it brings a smile to my face and reminds me of how healthy I feel;) when I’m with him!
I invite my husband by sneaking into the bedroom and either stripping down naked or putting something sexy on and then I walk around the house doing normal things and chores…cleaning up and stuff and it usually ends up with him grabbing me and running to the bedroom :)
This past weekend my hubby and I were able to go away one night. After we got settled in our room I took a quick shower. When I got out of the shower I put on a “for hubby only night clothes” and took a pic of a small portion of the bottom and texted it to him with the message “Wanna see?” the only problem was he had dozed off watching tv and had left his phone on the desk, so I had to walk out and wake him up, but he was happy to see! Maybe I’ll try it again soon!
We’re pretty active, so an invitation isn’t usually required ;) however, I’ve found that it’s fun to keep him thinking of me through his day. A few flirty (sometimes dirty) text messages throughout the day pretty much guarantees that the bedroom door will be locked for the night!
We have a system that we drape a towel over the end of our bed when we are issuing an invitation. When the other finds the towel, we know that the other is wanting it.
My DH loves my legs, so anytime I put on stockings/thigh highs (or leave them on after we’ve been someplace fancy), it’s a hint that he’ll get but our kids won’t notice. If I put on a garter belt with stockings (why do men love those so much?) and show him, it’s the equivalent of my screaming “TAKE ME TO BED!”, but again, the kids won’t pick up on it. Also, whispering in his ear. It can be pretty much anything sweet, but my lips to his ear seem to go straight to his heart. Thanks for the contest and the chance to enter. :)
If I suggest we go in the hot tub, he knows what I really want. It is one of the quickest ways that turns him on.
If I have a package of M & M’s, I’ll sort out a few green ones and start slipping them to him one at a time, until he notices.
I love the green MnMs idea!
We have certain things we say or certain ways we say them that mean something to us. Or we’ll text them to each other [or even email innocuous ones].
Of course all sorts of nekkid in bed does the trick too [most of the time… ;)].
Just take him by the hand and start leading him up the stairs.
My husband believes that if someone is having a birthday, that he & I need to celebrate by having sex. Turns out, someone is born everyday. That works for him and I say yes! (o: It has become quite a funny joke between friends & our birthdays. Even our Pastor thinks he’s a genius! Try it, you’ll like it!
Around here I just start kissing on him. He pulled me into the shower the other day when I was fully clothed and poked my head in to tell him something so that has been his way of asking lately “wanna shower with me? “
I wake up in the middle of the night; and after I go to the bathroom, I sneak back in with no clothes on and snuggle up to him to wake him up. He loves it after getting over being woken up!
During halftime of a football game, tell him “it’s time for the half-time show” and then use football innuendo like “scoring” and such.
We have a 7 year old that has autism so some nights my husband and I are usually up late with him. But were their is a will their is a way. So we wait until he goes to sleep. The nights when I want to initiate sex from my husband I go in our room before my son goes to sleep and prepare myself for my husband physically and mentally.I want him to know that being alone with him at the moment is my focus. I put om my lingere, strike a sexy pose and take a picture of myself with my phone. I send it to him with a little note that lets him know I am waiting and ready. This refreshes my husband so when my son goes to sleep he is ready to go.
I’m a big fan of candles, so I would light the way to the bedroom…
* I slip on some sexy lingerie and then casually sit beside him on the couch and ask him “What are *you* doing tonight?” ^_~
* Another invitation he likes is when I strip naked and get in bed. Then I call out his name and say “I need help with something” or “Can you come here?” Upon his arrival in the bedroom, I throw back the sheets!
* I like to leave love notes in his lunch suggesting “nocturnal activities” or a “bedroom date”
We have a variety of signals from flirty to very funny. One is sending him a text or email message with the You Tube link to Nora Jones ‘Turn Me On’ . ;-)
I send him an email with SSFC–telling him that I am “Saving Some For Craig”…I have little post-it notes around the house, reminding myself to save some energy, time, effort, fun, excitement, etc. for the best person in my life! Thanks for all the other great ideas!
With 4 young kids at home, it usually starts by me telling him that I have the kids busy for awhile and then a nice long kiss.
After the kids are in bed he reads alot so I just start kissing him in various places until he can’t concentrate anymore.
I have to be direct; my husband doesn’t understand hints. I text him about what I want -or want to do to him- occasionally send a sexy pic to his cell phone, Other times, like when he goes to bed early, I let him wake up with my naked body cuddled up to him & he quickly gets in the mood. Doesn’t always work, but it’s always worth a shot!
Write a message with mirror/glass markers posing an opportunity for him to indulge when he gets home end with…. Leaving him wondering:)
I often call my husband to invite him home for lunch. He knows a lunch invitation at home means: No kids here now, want to come play?
i was asking my husband which of these strategies he would like best. he said waiting naked for him in bed is the best way to get him in the mood. i’ll definitely try that the next time i want him. :)
If you are both competitive, invite him to play “The Game” with you: whoever is the first to initiate sex 10 times wins [previously stated prize(s)]. You can even make a board for “The Game” for keeping track, and hide it so it won’t be found by your kids. (This can also be a helpful way to work on your sex life for the wife who is competitive but not into sex as much as her husband, and as much as she wants to be.)
*As a laugh I bought a teddy I found: it’s a cow holding a heart that has “in the moood for lovin” embroidered on it. The idea is that I/we put it on the bed to indicate “tonight!”
We haven’t used it much as we don’t really need such a system, however it’s still fun to pull out every now and then :-)
I am considering using it again in a more detailed way – thinking we could agree that if the cow is:
– facing forward it indicates that I’m “ready”.
– facing backwards it indicates I want to but I need some “help” (either emotional or physical foreplay).
– Off the bed entirely it indicates “not tonight” (with an agreement that the cow needs a spot on the bed x many days of the week).
I like that this system offers a way to communicate desire and sexual availability for those who aren’t quite comfortable with verbal communication of such things (as they work towards improvment) without saying “no”.
However it also offers a way to say not “now” for those that have trouble saying “no” when the time really isn’t right just “now”… This way the higher drive partner knows if and When their needs will be met and the lower drive partner feels able to be “heard” without hurting the other.
No substitute for good communication but a step towards it… Or just for some occasional fun :-)
Ps. I’ve heard of people doing something like this with a standard throw pillow, or even their sleeping pillows – using a two sided case: turned one side = tonight, and the other side = tomorrow night – Or whatever the couple argues to.