I witnessed a rough argument today. I feel pretty battered by it. It started off with hostility and it never got any better.

Gottman calls it a harsh start up. Basically if you start angry then it’s not likely that your “discussion” is going to end well.

I should have caught it and asked people to take a break. Instead I kept trying to calm people down and inject some reasoning.

If you find yourself or your sweetie starting a discussion in a harsh way, I encourage you to ask for a break. If you find you can’t discuss it at all with relative calm, then get third party help.

Heated arguments just cause destruction.

(If you want to learn more from John Gottman, you might want to read The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work.   paperback   Kindle )

Discussions invariably end on the same note as they begin.  John Gottman

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