The Generous Wife
a daily reminder to grow your marriage
Top Post #1 – Why I Don’t Use the Words “Help Meet”
My husband and I are traveling without our RV for a couple of weeks with very little time for writing, so we decided to share a week of past posts that have had the most hits (after removing the information pages and contest posts). Sorry, no links as well. Please be aware that approving comments and responding to them may be slower than normal.
The number one post was a rant I did on the word “help meet.” I had just seen another woman pushed out of ministry for all the wrong reasons and, I’ll own it, I was upset. So please excuse my rantishness, but do understand that you have immense value to God as an individual and as a woman. Also be encouraged to study and know what you believe.
WHY I DONT USE THE WORDS “HELP MEET”
(originally posted September 23, 2012)
Years ago, I spent some time mutzing around in several passages in the Word. One of those passages was the creation of mankind in Genesis. What I found was at first somewhat confusing and then a bit surprising. Mostly I found that Hebrew doesn’t always translate into English very cleanly and that the words said of Eve, “help meet,” (sometimes folks say “help mate”) are a very, very poor translation.
The words “help meet” are ezer kenegdo in Hebrew.
EZER
Ezer does mean “helper,” but it doesn’t mean helper in the sense of “I’ll sit here and hand tools to you while you fix the car.” The word is used several time in the Old Testament in reference to someone who is very strong and capable coming to the rescue of another in serious trouble! (Most of the references are about God being the help of His people in battle.)
Eve’s creation reflects a kind of strength and was a rescue for Adam. All of creation was “good” and “very good,” but there was one thing that was “not good” … Adam was alone and God’s solution was an ezer kenegdo. One couldn’t be found (in the rest of creation), so God made one. He put Adam into a deep sleep and used some of his flesh and bone to create Eve (Genesis 2:23b, the word translated “rib” more likely means “side”).
So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them. Genesis 1:27 NIV
Together male and female reflect the image of God. They are both “mankind,” made of the same substance, but Adam would also reflect the more “masculine” characteristics of God and Eve the more “feminine.”
Eve was not created to be “the little helper.” She was created to walk with Adam and fulfill God’s directive.
God blessed them and said to them, “Be fruitful and increase in number; fill the earth and subdue it. Rule over the fish in the sea and the birds in the sky and over every living creature that moves on the ground.” Genesis 1:28 NIV
She was created to be a strong kenegdo.
KENEGDO
Unfortunately, the word Kenegdo doesn’t show up anywhere else in scripture but in Eve’s creation. Those who study the Hebrew language translate kenegdo as “what is in front of, corresponding to,” or “facing opposites.” This actually makes fairly good sense. Male and female are counterparts reflecting the full image of God.
I think my favorite word picture for this concept is my own two hands. They are very alike. They each have four fingers and a thumb, they move alike and function alike in many ways, but there are some differences too. They are a mirror image of each other, one hand is slightly stronger and one has somewhat better dexterity. So very much alike and yet with some differences.
Eve was created to be half of a strong partnership that had a divine purpose.
So where am I going with this?
I am deeply opposed to the attitudes and actions in the body of Christ that make women … small.
And, honestly, I think words like “help meet” add fuel to this problem. The words imply that women were created as an afterthought solution because men needed an assistant. That is not what scripture says and it is often used to limit women instead of making room for them to be the partner that they are designed to be and the lovely reflection of God that they are, functioning as a member of the body of Christ.
Now don’t get me wrong. I am definitely for loving and serving your spouse. I have seen the fruit of generous living and it is sweet. Serving others is a calling on all believers and I do understand the joys of those things that have come to be associated with the term “help meet” ~ marriage, parenting and making your house a home.
But …
It is a tragedy when half of the body of Christ is diminished by the misuse of scripture. We are delightfully made. We are 100% of a human being and not just an appendage for a husband, like an extra arm. We are meant to be strong partners. We are needed in the body of Christ to help reflect the image of God to a world in desperate need of a Savior. We are not somehow inferior or less than. We are made of the same substance as “man” but fashioned a little differently. Not better, not worse, just delightfully different.
Yes, this is a rant. I’ve just heard one too many stories of a woman being shut down, because “after all, she’s a “help meet” for her husband. That’s her role, she shouldn’t step out in any other sphere.” I know of girls who are not being educated past 8th grade or so, because their world will only be their role as “help meet.” I’ve seen ministries shut down because people (let’s be real) were jealous and they used the term “help meet” to send a woman home. And on and on.
I am heartbroken …
… please know that you were created for more.
Prayer Prompt ♥ Ask God to show you who He designed you to be.
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10 responses to “Top Post #1 – Why I Don’t Use the Words “Help Meet””
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Preach it, sister! I could not agree with you more. I think that the mistranslation of ezer has been used to limit, silence, and oppress women in the church for a very long time, and to serve as the foundation for other mistranslations of Scripture for the same purposes.
Love this. I still remember how surprised I was the first time I saw ezer applied to the Holy Spirit. Jesus said he would send the Helper to his disciples. The Holy Spirit is equal to God the Father and is God; this Helper is no “meek help-meet.” I am reminded of a line from the hymn Come Thou Font of Every Blessing: “Here I raise my EbenEZER; hither by thy HELP I’m come.” This kind of Helper is POWERFUL. And that is what scripture compares woman to!
I know there is the cliche phrase about how women who try to change their husbands need to stop trying to be the Holy Spirit in their husbands’ lives, but I guess I somewhat disagree. Are we as wives called to nag and complain and mother our husbands, to show him every thing he is doing wrong in order to try to force him change? No, not even close. Are we instead called to strengthen our husbands, to fill him up, to equip him for battle, and to stand beside him in that battle, to encourage him to be the man that God is calling him to be, in the same way the Spirit does for all born-again believers?
And yes, I do think that means calling out our husbands’ sins where appropriate, but that will only be successful when it comes from a genuine Spirit-like love. The Spirit can and SHOULD speak to our husbands through us. But again, we need to do that God’s way and on God’s terms. Let your husband’s porn habit go unchecked because “it’s not your job to be the Holy Spirit in his life so you should just pray and keep quiet while you wait for the Holy Spirit to convict him?” NO WAY! Yes, it’s true that only God will convict his heart, but a true helper will NOT help sin. I fear that too many Christian women are busy trying to change the things in their husbands that don’t matter to God (only to their selfish ambition) but then they remain silent when it comes to the things that DO matter to God!! That makes no sense.
The trick is knowing what to cover over in love and what to confront, I suppose. I have only confronted my husband about his sin in a major way TWICE in our nine year marriage. I don’t do it often, but refraining from confronting a particular sin that could have the potential to tear my marriage apart if the behavior continued? No, we nip it in the bud and make changes to protect vulnerable spots in our marriage. That, to me, is what it means to HELP my husband, to equip him to grow closer to Christ, to lead a holy life. And my husband does the same for me. The closer we draw to God, the closer we are able to draw to one another. That is what it means to be a HELPER. And this is no job for the weak. Just as we seek to model a Christ-like love, so are we called to love like the Holy Spirit. And that is an AWESOME job indeed.
(Okay, I’ll get off my soapbox now… ?)
So thankful for your position on this. I agree with you here. More women need to hear this, and men as well.
Yeah, even just using plain English it doesn’t work. I think in some translations, the words “suitable” or “fit” are used. You wouldn’t call a wife a “help-fit.” It was thrown together by someone who was grammar challenged, or someone who didn’t understand what “meet” meant.
There are still a lot of problems I think though. Our housegroup did a study on 1 Tim 2 which included women keeping silent in church, being subject to their husbands and not teaching. This is repeated in Corinthians and Peter so not a one off. I would like to believe that God is masculine and feminine but I can’t find that in scripture. I will check out the translation of helpmeet but there are a lot more problems than just that as far as I can see.
Paul’s letters are interesting. People would write to Paul and he would write back. We don’t know what the original letters said, we only have the response letters, so we have to guess a bit about what was going on. Much of what was written was about confronting false teaching. Paul addresses the Gnostics several times and I think a bunch of what is said about women was designed to deal with the Artemus/Diana cult (which was absolutely huge at the time). When you see all the times that women speak, teach, and serve in the NT, it seems far more likely that Paul is correcting bad behavior in a specific situation than setting out rules for women in general. Paul would have to be rather schizoid if not. One minute he commends Priscilla for teaching Apollos and then he tells women not to teach men. Seems more likely that it’s OK for women to teach and that he was having trouble with a group of women with bad teaching.
The church was birthed in the voices of men and women and then the HS decides women should shut up? Not likely. When you consider that God gave all the gifts to believers (men and women) and some of those are vocal gifts, again, you have the speak / don’t speak dilemma.
“So God created mankind in his own image, in the image of God he created them; male and female he created them.” Gen 1:27
Throughout scripture God exhibits what we might call male and female expressions. Off the top of my head, here are a few scriptures where God is likened to a woman. Hosea 11:3-4,13:8, Deuteronomy 32:11-12, Isaiah 66:13, Matthew 23:37
I think your verses are a bit of a flimsy connection to God also being female. A father can be compassionate as well and indeed is exhorted to. Jesus’ compassion over Jerusalem like a mother hen doesn’t mean He was half a woman. I think women can express a side of God better than most men but that doesn’t make Him female. Jesus talked about His Father not about His mother. Nevertheless I think women do express a side of God without making Him feminine. Sometimes I wonder if God is outside our scruples about male and female. He just is as expressed in the word and in Jesus.
With regard to Priscilla teaching Apollos it does say that Aquila and Priscilla took him aside and explained the way of God more accurately because he only knew the baptism of John. I don’t think this qualifies Priscilla as a teacher. Anyone of us would have done that in that position. I have heard it said by David Pawson that it means govermental teaching not that anyone cannot teach. In Is 3:12 it says “As for my people children are their opressors and women rule over them.” That was not meant as a compliment. That is what can happen if men are not men.
I take your point about helpmeet and am just about to study it.
I recommend you look up Philip B Paynes blog/book “Man and Woman, One in Christ” it will answer your questions! :-)
I looked up help and meet in Strongs but it isn’t helpful as they have the same meaning for help and meet. The King James says I will make him a help (aid) meet for him. The margin in my King James (as old as 1903) translates the hebrew of meet “as before him”. Some describe this as a mirror image or a compliment to him. Adam was lacking as a man and God said it was not good so one could say He complimented him with a woman or the two halves make the whole. I think the woman’s lib movement were against man’s domination of women which was legitimate but I think they have now drifted the other way and are kind of rebelling against man and trying to dominate him as Eve’s desire was after the fall.
Love this post! Thank you for writing it!!
I’m so sick and tired of whitenessing the aftermath of the false teaching that women as lesser beings, and can’t do anything for the body of Christ (His Church/People) without being “under” a man. How that fits with the God of the Bible I don’t know!
For anyone who has questions about this theology please look into Philip B Paynes work on it: 30+ years of study have got to count for more than the hollow “oh but what about 1 Tim 2” theology pushed on everyone!
Ladies, you are God’s presious Daughters! God is the Perfect Father!
Try for a second to grasp the gravity of that and what that means!
Would the perfect father of a precious daughter really will for her to be belittled, limited and even held back from Him simply for being the way he designed her (female)?! What would He want for her??