The Generous Wife
a daily reminder to grow your marriage
Drop the Defense
Most discussions escalate into arguments because of defensiveness. (Pause and think about that for a moment.)
There are many opportunities in your day to disagree with your sweetie, but it doesn’t have to get ugly. A simple discussion, some brainstorming, a bit of trial and error, and you can work through your differences.
It’s when folks feel the need to defend their position that people get tense and snarky. When folks tie their self worth to their choices and positions then they have to defend them or lose face.
The next time you and your spouse are struggling to communicate and the temperature is rising, pause and pray. Are you being defensive? Can you separate your position from your personal value? Is your spouse being defensive? Can you assure him of his worth and let him know you are really listening to him?
When cooler heads prevail, it might be a good idea to talk about the need to defend your ideas and wishes. Ask yourselves how to share thoughtfully and listen respectfully.
Defensiveness stifles performance, and destroys relationships. Henry Cloud
- Prayer Prompt: Ask God to help you and your husband set down defensiveness and work to listen well.
- No Side Bar: Rising With a New Routine It’s OK to sleep in a bit.
- Do you like to play in the dirt? Check out this bundle of gardening resources from Ultimate Bundles. (sale over)
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3 responses to “Drop the Defense”
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Thanks for your post Lori. My wife and I have sure had our fair share of disagreements! We have learnt much through our disagreements. We have learnt to pause and ask ourselves, “Is this a sin issue or a preference issue?” We try and remind ourselves that our spouse is not the enemy. We have also learnt to ask ourselves this important question: “Why am I reacting so strongly about this? What are You trying to show me about me Lord?”
It’s amazing how that still small voice of the Holy Spirit has much to say to encourage us in the right responses and how easy it is to ignore His promptings and hold on to “my right to be right”!
Nice perspectives. Thanks for sharing. :)
It is time to park my pride
here at the end of life;
it has been a nitwit’s ride,
and I tire of the strife
that caused because I thought
I was so bloody great;
a touch of humble would have brought
us to a kinder fate
than a cool guardedness
that took so long to melt,
the ego’s granite hardness
whose effects are ever-felt
in the counting of the cost
of the time forever lost.
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