The next time you hear yourself saying this, do stop and really examine the situation.

Sometimes we really can’t do a given thing. We don’t have the ability or the cost would be too high. Or perhaps an option conflicts with a commitment we’ve made. Most of the time, however, saying “I can’t” is really just an excuse.

I can’t do (whatever) because I don’t have the time (yes, you do, you would just have to say no to something else to make the time). I can’t do (whatever) because I don’t know how (you can learn). I can’t do (whatever) because it’s really not as important as this other thing I’m doing (you could probably make time for both).

What we spend our time on shows what (and who) we value.

We choose how we spend our time. Often our excuses make it easier to live with our choices. We lie to ourselves so we can make the choices we want without acknowledging our selfishness, our wounds, or our hurtful attitudes.

It’s easier to say to ourselves “I can’t spend time with my husband this evening because I have this project to finish” than it is to own we are mad at him and we’re making a point by our absence.

There was a time I would have said I don’t have time to do better about meal quality (basically I didn’t want to learn the skills). And, frankly, there was a time when I would have said I didn’t have the time and energy for more sex (I did, but I didn’t want to face my wounds and it was an easy excuse when I was a young mom with a toddler).

This is a hard concept to face and consider. I’ll own that, but if you can, you will significantly help your marriage. Your husband needs to know that he is important to you. You can show him that by your choices.

Be stronger than your excuses. Author Unknown

• Prayer Prompt: Ask God to help you examine your choices and excuses.
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