The winter holidays can be pretty demanding on your time, especially if you do most of the work and have major holiday plans. If you enjoy that sort of thing, great, but if the holidays fill you with a mixture of joy and dread, here are some practical thoughts.

❤ Do less. Simplify your plans.
Truth: you don’t have to do everything. Life will not end if you don’t get the blowup snowman set up in your front yard this year. Plan for those things that bless you and your sweetie and let the rest go.

❤ Ask for help when you need it.
If you’ve always done most of the work, people will assume that’s the way you like it. You have to let people know what you need if you want to change that dynamic. Ask people to help with the Thanksgiving meal (be specific like, “Susie would you clear the table? George will you wrangle the kids while I set out the desserts?). Ask your sweetie for help with figuring out the gifts or to gather and dispose of the wrapping paper on Christmas morning. Don’t do it all.

❤ Let people do things their way.
Unless it’s absolutely necessary to have something done a specific way, just ask folks to do a particular job and let them figure out how they want to do it. Ask Joe to cut up the cheese and summer sausage and arrange the bits on the platter. Hand him the items he needs and let him go for it. Don’t spend the extra time and energy managing what you’ve delegated.

❤ If people offer to do something, let them.
People tend to offer help in ways that are comfortable for them. Say, yes. You want more people to step up and help.

❤ When people help, do be thankful for whatever they do.
People respond to appreciation. If you ask for something and then thank them for stepping up, it’s a positive experience for them. They’ll be offering to help next year. If you correct what they do (you filled the dishwasher wrong) or belittle what they do (I wish you would have helped more), they will be less likely to help in the future.

If people expect you to do most of the holiday work because that’s the way it’s always been done, it may take some time and effort to help people understand that the holiday workload is shifting. If they want certain traditions kept, they might have to take on the responsibility themselves. If they want a smorgasbord on Thanksgiving Day, they may have to do some of the work.

Be clear and specific about your needs. Be patient. Be gracious.

The secret of change is to focus all of your energy, not on fighting the old, but on building the new. Socrates

• Prayer Prompt: Ask God to help you plan and enjoy a sane and joyful holiday season.
• Intimacy in Marriage: Is the Love You Proclaim Incongruent with How You Behave Sexually? Must-read post. I’ll say it again, must-read post. This applies to so much of life.
• A Wife Like Me: Is Contempt Ruining Your Marriage? Love is the cure.

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