The Generous Wife
a daily reminder to grow your marriage
Defeat Cranky
Paul and I have been a bit cranky with each other lately.
We’re pretty much thinking it’s the pressures of the season wearing us out and pushing in on our personal wounds. Hence the cranky.
We’ve talked about the nature of personal wounds (those hurtful messages you tend to pick up as a kid) and how we need to speak the truth to each other and replace those hurtful messages with a powerful truth.
“You’re stupid.” becomes “You are delightfully made and God gave you the unique and creative brain He wanted you to have (however quirky that may be).” :) (As an aside, people tend to call you stupid when you make choices that are different than what they would choose. That’s not stupid. That’s just different. You’re allowed to be different.) “You’ll never amount to anything.” becomes “God has a plan and purpose for your life.” And so on.
We also talked about defensiveness and how that pops up when someone steps on a wound. It’s more about protecting the wound than it is about the current conversation. We’re trying to pause and pray when one of us gets defensive. Followed by a talk about how we can speak a new and better truth about who we are.
I don’t have all the answers, really. But I hope my bit of ruminating will give you a window into the possibilities of defeating cranky in your own life and marriage.
You and your husband are delightful creations and God wants you to know you are loved and He has a plan and purpose for your lives. (If you cringed when you read that, you’ve got a bit of praying to do.)
For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them. Ephesians 2:10 ESV
- Prayer Prompt: Ask God to help you see your personal wounds and allow Him to speak into the lies you believe.
- The Gottman Institute: What is the Sound Relationship House Check out this simple diagram explaining healthy relationship building blocks.
- The XY Code: Less Christmas is More Christmas Take this opportunity to make needed changes.
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David
How many of us realize that crankiness, feuding, insults and being emotionally distant is really dangerous to a relationship?
We have the capacity to make a quick decision to step on the brakes whenever the light turns yellow at an intersection, because we recognize how dangerous it is to run a red light.
Why treat our cars better than we treat the emotional well being of our relationship? (or ourselves)
When spouses can have a thought provoking conversation about how to communicate with each other, it is then they will trust one or the other to understand the real danger of feuding or anger and give a reminder when voices elevate to say “we agreed not to do this” (before insults are exchanged)
That is when we have mastered stepping on the emotional brakes and making it easier to discover soothing compromises, which can mutually stimulate the mind and deepen one another’s mutual love.
Wish I discovered this growing up as a child, but hey it is never too late. (should be taught in schools and churches)