Have you ever tried to talk to someone and they immediately go all defensive on you? The talk is pretty much over at that point because they’re not listening and you’re all frustrated.

I totally get it. I’ve been the talker and the defensive one in past conversations. It’s painful. So how do we open the door to change?

You can’t stop someone from being defensive, but you can learn from past messes and couch your questions differently, more kindly. And if you are feeling defensive, you can pause and listen instead.

I did not say this was easy. I repeat. I did not say this was easy. Actually it’s very hard because all your emotions are screaming to circle the wagons or your feeling like pulling your hair out because he just won’t listen.

My point in all this is that defensiveness ruins a conversation and stalls any helpful solutions. You can’t stop someone else from being defensive, but you can make the conversation kinder and you can refrain from defensiveness.

Give it some thought and maybe even talk about it with your husband. Ask him to help you change your responses. Ask for kinder words and a break when either of you starts throwing up the walls. Ask for and offer practical help in solving problems and less blaming.

Defensive behavior is a barrier to communication. Gary Chapman

• Prayer Prompt: Ask God to help you and your husband beat defensiveness.
• Home Storage Solutions 101: How To Create A Laundry Schedule Solutions for this common problem. Free printable!
• Fierce Marriage: 4 Keys to Connect with Your Spouse When Your World is Crumbling Little things like this don’t just add up – they multiply grace.

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