The Generous Wife

(Originally posted May 17, 2014).

As a spin off of yesterday’s post Is That OK?, I want to talk about respecting differences. 

One of my mantras is “People are more important than things.”

If I demand that my husband stack the dishes in the dish drain the way I do, I have not treated him with love and respect. A stack of dishes is not more important than my husband. My preferences are not more important than my husband.

I realize that may be a bit hard to hear. We like to have things our way. It’s more comfortable for us and it works for us. However, we are not the only ones in the relationship. Our husband likes his way too. It’s more comfortable for him and it works better for him.

Navigating those differences can be hard. I won’t lie to you.

There is an element of sacrifice when it comes to love and respect. You are making room for another person. You are sometimes giving way to what he wants and what works for him. It may not be convenient or comfortable for you.

The thing about it is, when you are able to embrace him and his differences, you are opening a door for intimacy and growth as a couple. It’s healing. It’s mature. It’s loving. Like calls to like and your behavior will call to those same things in your husband. (Years ago when I started experimenting with generosity, I was shocked by my husband’s response. He caught it and answered back in generosity.)

Yes, the day to day personal sacrifice of making room for your spouse and their differences has a price tag, but it is worth the cost in what it does for each of you and your marriage relationship.

Let each of you look not only to his own interests, but also to the interests of others.  Philippians 2:4  ESV

P.S. I just got back from the cruise and I’m looking forward to sharing about it and some things I learned about marriage along the way.

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♥ Prayer Prompt: Ask God to help you make room for your husband’s preferences.

♥ This Month’s Marriage Challenge: Look for opportunities to spend time with your husband.

♥ The Generous Husband: Be the Change; Get a Life Done well, it’s good for you and for your marriage. 

♥ Bonny’s Oysterbed7: How to Arouse Sexual Desire through Emotional Connection Great insights and an introduction to Dr. Harley’s Dynamic Marriage class.

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At a couple’s gathering we were talking about what to do when you ask your spouse to do something and they … just don’t.

There are probably a number of reasons why this might happen, but one gentleman (thanks, Jeremy!) said for many guys, they might not know what to do. His solution was to set your spouse up for success by making sure that they had the tools and know how to do what was asked of them.

The example we were talking about was helping out with meals. Many guys might not know how to shop, how to meal plan, how to cook, etc. Being asked to help when you haven’t a clue is a recipe for disaster … or inaction.

Why not take on cooking as a couple’s project and work through it together so there is a weekly meal plan, a shopping list, and simple meal choices (with know how) on those nights when hubby is playing chef.

If you want your guy to help it has to be understandable and doable. Just because you know what needs to be done doesn’t mean your husband has learned those life skills and knows what to do. If you continually run into things being left undone, make sure it isn’t a case of lack of know how.

The more I help others to succeed, the more I succeed.  Ray Croc

Prayer Prompt ♥ Ask God to help you and your husband make chores understandable and doable.

To Love, Honor and Vacuum: 50 Conversation Starters for Couples–with a Purpose! Stay connected. Keep talking.

Love Hope Adventure: Lights On Or Off During Physical Intimacy? Fight those body image issues and snuggle in with your hubby.

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Awhile back I encouraged y’all to create a morning routine that would help you start your day well.

I’d like to encourage y’all to add “be generous” to that routine.

It doesn’t have to be much, a little kindness here or there. It’s just that generosity has a way of softening your heart and blessing those around you. Not a bad way to start the day.

It’s also pretty normal for the rest of your day to follow the start of your day, so being generous all day long is easier if you start with a little generosity. 

We make a living by what we get, but we make a life by what we give. Winston Churchill

Prayer Prompt ♥ Ask God to show you little ways to bless those around you.

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Paul and I planned a small jaunt around Washington to exercise our RVing skills. Just a couple of days at a retreat campground and a couple of days in Sequim (pronounced “skwim”) to visit with family and friends.

When it was time to go to our home base, we got a text from our son. They were being evacuated because of a nearby fire. They bundled up everyone and their important stuff and drove off to a small cabin out of harms way.

OK, then.

Change of plans.

We’re now sitting at an RV park on the coast. (I can hear the sympathetic groans.) We’ll stay on the coast until the fire gets sorted out (at this point about 15 percent contained but it’s looking like their place will be OK).

I mention this because, though it’s a lovely change of plans in some ways, it’s still a change of plans and unsettling. We had to rearrange our finances, work hours, and more (plus the concern for our kids).

Life is full of stops, starts, and curves (and sometimes a few drop offs!).

How do you handle change?

Do you fuss? Complain? Do you and your husband team up and make a plan or fight about options?

As a perspective, staying calm and thinking creatively can be a big help. I know it’s a difficult when things are whirling around you, but a small break and a prayer can make a huge difference on how you approach and deal with change.

You must welcome change as the rule but not as your ruler.  Denis Waitley

Prayer Prompt ♥ Ask God for wisdom, calm, and creative ideas when life throws you a curve.

(in)courage: How to Make a Marriage Flourish Marriage is a team sport.

Unclutterer: Getting organized doesn’t happen overnight Three basic approaches for taking control of clutter:

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Being on time and being prepared is a lovely gift to give your husband.

Perhaps you are the “on time” gal and this is not a problem for you. If so, the chances are you married a “time challenged” husband (opposites attract) and he will be blessed by any thing you do. Help him by being organized, aware of time, and generally available.

If you are chronically late, take some time to explore the whys. Do you misjudge how much time it will take to get ready? Do you forget things? Are you distracted?

Brainstorm helps and solutions. Can you set out what you need the night before when you have the time to think things through? Can you set aside an extra half hour so there is time to handle any little surprises? Can you simplify your routine? Do you have a good calendar system that you and your husband regularly review?

We all understand occasional lateness (life does happen), but if this is a chronic problem for you, try various solutions and practice being timely. Your man will thank you for it.

Better three hours too soon, than one minute too late.  William Shakespeare

Prayer Prompt ♥ Ask God to help you govern your time wisely, be timely, and be prepared.

Ashley Willis: The Most Common Mistake Women Make In Marriage  I have done this. You too?

Marriage 4:29: Guest Post: 3 Ways You’re Hurting Your Spouse When you tear down your spouse, you destroy your marriage.

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